Tuesday 1 September 2015

A Puzzled Mind

                                   


                                       Recently, I've observed that I have lots of clashes with people regarding ideologies. It's strange how every other person's philosophy differ from mine and each of them have some common principles...It feels like its only me who completely differ and almost with everyone! In fact, at times, my thoughts create huge inner clashes as well. I can't seem to understand my own thoughts! They have clearly superseded my understanding. While talking with people, they try to convince me of their views and I do the same as well....but this is common knowledge, every idea must face some initial resistance. People will oppose a thought initially, and then present their own thought, try to prove that its better, and then settle with the better idea.

                                       Its also a fact that people can't bear to hear philosophical stuff from seventeen year olds...and more so if the ideas completely differ! Its true that they have experience on their side, but the youth has the power of perception, which is weaker in the older. Ideas, philosophies and thoughts are things that one discover...they cannot be incorporated into someone's mind solely from an external source. Forcing one's ideas on another is wrong and even I'm guilty of that sin.

                                        Coming to the inner clashes regarding my thoughts, recently I feel like I've lost the ability of decision making. My belief that tells me that there is nothing that can judge what is right and what is wrong, has made me lose faith in most human judgments. I no longer understand my mind...and sometimes there's this feeling that it has lost its romanticism...which makes things a bit bland, but also interesting in a different perspective.

                                       Realizing that so many questions of mine will remain unanswered till the last moment, makes me suffocate inside my own body. I'll never know what are the ultimate answers or even the ultimate questions. Everything I see, makes me think about the real significance of that very object, the significance of my very being and everything that's around...but there ain't no significance...right? Things are there just because they are there...but just maybe.

                                     Previously, I also mentioned 'death' in an article...and why death doesn't exist. Its just a transition from one form to another. This might sound spiritual but its something quite different. However, in spite of all these philosophies and mental support from my own brain, a part of me has started fearing death. Well, not even a quarter of my life is over and I already feel that my time is limited. In fact, my mind has literally inflicted tortures on me by taking me past time to an uncertain future and then back....and all of it felt so real. So real.

                                    Perhaps, I'll never understand my mind which is why I'll never know myself. Oh...just remembered a quote by Rabindranath Tagore..."A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It bleeds the hands that uses it.". No one wants to be the mind which is all logic... its suffocating, its scary and fearful! Sometimes, I feel I've forgotten how to see things the way others do. There's no normalcy anymore.

                                    I've always considered this as a gift...to see things differently. Everyone is gifted with that different pair of eyes which shows a different world...which is why we have a million worlds in one! I still consider this to be a gift. However, the fact that I've not been able to decipher this gift till date, unnerves me a bit...and the possibility that deciphering the meaning may not be possible at all, chills me to the bones.

                                    Accumulating all my experiences, I've realized this one thing- our very own mind humbles us by the power it sustains, much beyond its own understanding...and what makes our mind so special, so different from other creations is the amazing phenomenon- evolution. All of us have evolved from that tiny speck. We are ultimately, a bunch of elements governed by the universe...and I still don't get it - why we call a few objects living and the other ones non-living?! Its not only life that evolves, breathes or grows...everything does...more or less.

                                   Ah! Again I drifted away to another topic...but now do you see the great dilemma?! I don't seem to have the answers to the questions which are taught to infants. At least they know the difference between life and the non-living objects...and I'm still seeking an answer. Things were so much more clearer before, but now they are all jumbled up...Perhaps I've forgotten how to tell reality from illusion.

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Date: 28/02/2015
Time: 2:48 PM

Pic from: juanmadrazo.com

6 comments:

  1. (Part One of Reply)


    Hi, Samadrita. :)

    I remember why I truly love reading your posts. It's not a matter of whether or not I agree with all of or even anything you said. On this point, to me that's irrelevant. Sure, of course, as a sentient individual, I have opinions, views and beliefs of my own. However, the essential reason here why I appreciate and value your thoughts is that you stimulate my thinking!

    You entice me to listen (again, not necessarily agree but listen) with genuine interest in what you're saying and why. You inspire me to consider your message and weigh its merits based on my value system and of course ever growing understanding of all I believe I know to date.

    There's nothing wrong with questioning yourself and others, with having vigorous debates (that are also sensible, productive and constructive). And having doubts, becoming frustrated, feeling afraid (of death, life, etc), experiencing confusion and other so forth are natural parts of being alive in this world as human beings.

    You're seventeen. And you've made a point of contrasting this time in your life (and I presume generally anyone else at that stage) with people who are older--in context of how individuals perceive and engage the world around them. Well perhaps, with genuine respect, it might be helpful to consider (not that I'm assuming you haven't) that everyone who is chronologically older has of course also been seventeen. And growing older doesn't necessarily mean losing whatever gift of perceptivity, intuition or insight they may in some way be endowed with. On the contrary, for any person whose mind and spirit are truly open to gaining clear sight/wisdom regarding life's great mysteries (no matter at what age this occurs), my experiences have increasingly helped me to realize and appreciate that such abilities continue to mature, deepen and expand with the gradual passage of time and benefit of all their experiences. The average five year old has little to no likelihood of comprehending and engaging the world around him or herself in the same way the average twenty year old can. Not because of numbers on a birth certificate or some other personally disparate statistic, but simply because the younger person has not yet undergone the necessary process of mental and physical development as the older one. He or she has not lived long enough to gain certain critical life experience to contribute to their ever evolving sense of self and the reality around them. Younger has certainly not yet been given or introduced to opportunities that typically require and compel an individual to make certain choices, contemplate any variety of circumstances that can lead to even more choices and this consequences. The same is generally and essentially true for all human beings when considering their level of personal growth relative to others at different stages. Therefore, as we physically move forward in life, our thoughts, views, beliefs, understanding of things...all of it also matures, grows, evolved, develops. Many aspects of us change in dynamic ways and varying degrees.

    ReplyDelete
  2. (Part Two of Reply)

    There were many things for example that I was absolutely sure of at 17 and was entirely convinced I saw more clearly than most older people that I now hold a vastly different view on. Over time, I eventually learned that there were things about life, myself, people and relationships that I did not and could not possibly have understood as well as I do now. I gradually realized this process of personal growth as a basic, immutable truth that applies to everyone. Unless a miracle occurs, one cannot gain the same perspective of someone else far down a road until they have traveled a similar distance.

    In life, there are and always will be certain inevitable changes and inescapable realities. A certain series of balances generally occurs along our journey through life. Growing older (which is happening for all day by day) means being steadily forced to exchange some personal "assets" for the acquisition of others (not all of them good or bad): e.g., naivete for wisdom, blind optimism for pragmatism, inexhaustible vigor for steady endurance, youthful arrogance for seasoned humility, constant anxiety (often born of youthful ignorance--and also maybe hormones) for abiding calm. The list goes on and can be long. But my point, Samadrita, speaking as a person who has said forever said goodbye to seventeen some time ago, is that I can assure you in all probability that who you are now and how you think, feel and see the world will advance. It will evolve. It will mature and transition in a variety of ways you haven't begun to imagine. The world you live in now is not the end. It is only just beginning....

    ReplyDelete
  3. (Part Two of Reply)

    There were many things for example that I was absolutely sure of at 17 and was entirely convinced I saw more clearly than most older people that I now hold a vastly different view on. Over time, I eventually learned that there were things about life, myself, people and relationships that I did not and could not possibly have understood as well as I do now. I gradually realized this process of personal growth as a basic, immutable truth that applies to everyone. Unless a miracle occurs, one cannot gain the same perspective of someone else far down a road until they have traveled a similar distance.

    In life, there are and always will be certain inevitable changes and inescapable realities. A certain series of balances generally occurs along our journey through life. Growing older (which is happening for all day by day) means being steadily forced to exchange some personal "assets" for the acquisition of others (not all of them good or bad): e.g., naivete for wisdom, blind optimism for pragmatism, inexhaustible vigor for steady endurance, youthful arrogance for seasoned humility, constant anxiety (often born of youthful ignorance--and also maybe hormones) for abiding calm. The list goes on and can be long. But my point, Samadrita, speaking as a person who has said forever said goodbye to seventeen some time ago, is that I can assure you in all probability that who you are now and how you think, feel and see the world will advance. It will evolve. It will mature and transition in a variety of ways you haven't begun to imagine. The world you live in now is not the end. It is only just beginning....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for such a deep insight! Comments such as your's help fulfill the purpose of this blog...one thought, several perspectives. Also, I do believe that its just the beginning and that too a wonderful one...thank you for sharing your experience as a 17 year old. Its was refreshing to go through your wonderful comments!

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  4. copy paste..well done..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow...I already like you!
      From where do you suggest I copied?
      Please provide the link.

      Delete